Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.

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  (281): I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian. http://tfl.nu/ky2c
  Replies (51) Good night (3666) Bad night (666)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I wish i was in the wii world.

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  (402): I wish i was in the wii world. http://tfl.nu/send
  Replies (5) Good night (2795) Bad night (881)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?

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  (850): Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller? http://tfl.nu/lnof
  Replies (34) Good night (1458) Bad night (4890)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"

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  (208): The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?" http://tfl.nu/toa2
  Replies (17) Good night (7945) Bad night (1780)
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  (818): View more from California

  Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.

  (818): View more from California

  And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.

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  (818): Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas. (818): And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you. http://tfl.nu/hyux
  Replies (14) Good night (5532) Bad night (1250)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...

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  (801): I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand... http://tfl.nu/rby4
  Replies (7) Good night (3341) Bad night (957)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"

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  (937): they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America" http://tfl.nu/sewn
  Replies (7) Good night (4370) Bad night (995)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.

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  (817): My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give. http://tfl.nu/lewe
  Replies (11) Good night (4281) Bad night (877)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.

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  (832): I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic. http://tfl.nu/1uqk
  Replies (6) Good night (1518) Bad night (883)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.

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  (778): Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact. http://tfl.nu/nx0r
  Replies (3) Good night (502) Bad night (1095)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday

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  (215): trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday http://tfl.nu/9goc
  Replies (5) Good night (1232) Bad night (617)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.

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  (803): Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time. http://tfl.nu/1oum
  Replies (5) Good night (579) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.

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  (937): Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog. http://tfl.nu/gtv2
  Replies (3) Good night (603) Bad night (346)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?

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  (412): also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him? http://tfl.nu/m6h2
  Replies (0) Good night (490) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning

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  (240): Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning http://tfl.nu/k63c
  Replies (0) Good night (455) Bad night (392)

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