I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.