It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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