NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.