Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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