I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
