the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
