Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
