You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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