please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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