i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize