The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
