my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
