O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
