Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
