You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
