Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
