Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize