i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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