i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
