Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
