I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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