I wannas sexs uuuuu
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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