Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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