There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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