he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
