my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
