I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
