So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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