I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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