I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize