This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
