Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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