I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
