Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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