We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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