life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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