take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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