I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my phone needs a breathalizer
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
