he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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