at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
