After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
