I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
