im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
