My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
