i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
