i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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