just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
