so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
