i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
