Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
