I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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