I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize