i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
