I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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