I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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