Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
