guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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