god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
