i think i have herpe
just one?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
