wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
high people should be assigned attendants
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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