Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
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Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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