As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
