well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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