I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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