I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
