I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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