Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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