positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
