He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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