Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
