And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
